Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow BREAKING UP?

So it looks like another famous couple are calling it quits. It would seem that actress Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin of Coldplay are separating. The pair have been married for just over ten years and have two children, Noah and Apple. The Oscar winning actress posted online saying that, although the couple had spent the past year trying to work on their relationship, they are separating even though they still have a great amount of love for each other. Is this a Hollywood break up that you saw coming or does it leave you feeling a little shocked?

Same Sex Marriage Legal In The UK!

In the blink of an eye it happened.
Even the Queen approved.
Same Sex marriage is to be introduced to the UK next summer. I have to say that I am overjoyed. This is a wonderful step in the fight for equality.
Nothing happened in some ways. Society didn't crumble, the air didn't become harder to breathe. So many people feared that passing same sex marriage would have huge repercussions but what they forgot was love happens and is experienced every day regardless of gender or marital state but it is the legislation that protects couples and their families in our society that holds great importance to the individuals involved.

But why the need for same sex marriage in a country that already has civil partnerships is a question many will ask.

A civil partnership provides most, but not all, of the rights that come with a  civil marriage.
Also "civil partner" sounds somewhat cold and impersonal. We've been raised in a world where "husband" and "wife" are terms we say with pride and love. The importance in changing the restrictions of same sex couples to only having civil partnerships to the ability to have a marriage allows their relationships to be seen as equal to the marriages of heterosexual couples.

Marriages are accepted everywhere but not every country accepts or holds any appropriate legislation protecting a civil partnership and therefore same sex partners have no protection. It restricts their rights should they choose to move abroad to any country without protective legislation for their union.

The legislation surrounding marriage relies heavily on gender as something binary and therefore can be particularly problematic for members of the trans community or intersex individuals. If individuals must ever provide their marital status on official forms they'd have to say they were in a civil partnership rather than a marriage. This forces people to come out where they'd perhaps rather just say that they are married without fully giving away details of their sexuality.

Marriage has been provided to those without religion despite the fact it has often been cited as a religious practice. Civil Partnerships should be encouraged towards those who want to forge their love together without religious connotations. At present it's more seen as something specifically for non-heteronormative couples.

People have been committing themselves to each other since the dawn of time and this will continue regardless of gender or legislation. People will choose to commit themselves lovingly to someone else and there's no shame in that. My hope is that in legalising same sex marriage we can continue to spread tolerance of the LGBTQ community which will then help us to focus on further issues that the community faces and experiences. Civil partnerships aren't as socially acknowledged and accepted as marriages and herein lies the importance: love should be treated equally, regardless of gender. If we're going to have the opportunity to fully commit to someone then our marriages should be equal to that of our peers unless we, the couple at hand, choose otherwise.

Love.

It's a great time for the LGBTQ community lately as the fight for same sex marriage marches on. I'm proud to live during a time where marriage can occur regardless of gender or sexuality. I feel that once same sex marriage can be adapted into society then we can begin to normalise lifestyles that don't conform typical contemporary notions of heteronormative domesticity. We can then begin to focus on the rights of the trans community and the problems facing the queer youth of today.

This blog is, and ever shall remain, in support of same sex marriage.
Your personal feelings or religion should not determine or restrict potential legislation that will serve and protect other people, couples and their families.

Love is love.
Love is lovely.

Underrated Movies: The War Of The Roses

I actually bought this film for my partner this year as a Valentines gift. I suppose I did so in a "at least our relationship will never be this bad, so appreciate me" kind of way. The DVD cover states "Once in a lifetime comes a motion picture that makes you feel like falling in love all over again." My partner read that, but failed to notice the line beneath which simply says "This is not that movie"

Written by and starring the wonderful Danny DeVito, this film follows the relationship between Oliver and Barbara Rose as a mutual friend narrates the story of this unconventional couple. Scoring a tremendous 82% rating on film review site Rotten Tomatoes should illustrate the quality of this movie. This is a black comedy about their marital breakdown after around two decades of being together. There are moments of comedy and bursts of drama as the couple go into a bizarre battle for their house in the divorce settlements. As time goes on they begin to hate each other, both trying to drive the other out of the house. Where love once was only hate and desperate measures now dwell. This is a great film to watch with your partner ending on a simple message to take to heart. If this relationship feels at all normal to your own, you probably should break up. If you're the kind of person who hates mushy romantic comedies then this may very well be the film for you. Having been released in the 1980s you can probably find it cheap on Amazon. I highly recommend it.

Links:
The War of the Roses on Amazon UK
War of the Roses on Amazon.Com

Ramblings: My dream last night...

In my dream last night I met Adam Ant on a cruise and we got married on board. Sadly it was Adam Ant now, not the dandy highwayman stud he once was. The marriage didn't go very well. After about five minutes of marriage he was trying to persuade me to eat meat by giving me a giant strip of beef jerky. Not cool, husband, not cool...

Also in my dream I was apparently on the cruise to do a course that had a title like 'prenatal geography' - what the hell, brain? What the heck even is prenatal geography supposed to be?

Also I'm pretty sure most of Amsterdam and Eindhoven were somehow inside this giant cruise ship. At one point I went to find my cabin on the boat only to find myself cycling through the streets of Eindhoven and some of the bridges in Amsterdam. This is what I get for listening to Anouk and Carice Van Houten before bed, huh?

I guess there's nothing wrong with Adam Ant now. But damn, he used to have the most wonderful cheek bones in his youth...

Have you had any weird dreams lately? If so, what happened in them?

Happy FriGay

George Takei, overlord of internet awesomeness, is at it again. George Takei recently responded to some individual responses in favour of 'traditional' marriage at a recent protest. Now, of course, the comment section below it is full of stupid, but that's not my point. Takei so wittily pokes fun at their assumptions of marriage. Some of the arguments are cliché or pretty weak. I'm super hired of hearing "it's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve."

So I can't marry my long term partner because of a religion I'm not entirely sure I follow and utterly outdated cliché phrases? Gee, that's ace.

It takes a king and a queen to make a princess? Well isn't it splendid that we aren't part of the monarchy.

God 'created us that way'? What way? Naked and surrounded by vagina? Believe me, there are a lot of lesbians who are with you on that one.

'Traditional marriage' is traditional because change has not previously been allowed. Change would widen that notion of 'traditional marriage' to make it inclusive of all love regardless of gender or gender identity. Marriage is an evolving institution. To argue that marriage is solely about procreation ignores all the legal rights and responsibilities and their importance. These are significant rights that all loving couples show have access to. Using outdated cliché statements and sweeping generalisations to marginalise and belittle the loving relationships of thousands and millions of people out there who love in a way that society deems deviant and somehow less because of theological and ideological notions that stem mainly from religions that not everyone follows. This is a huge, problematic and ongoing debate. What's important here is love. The legitimacy or parental ability of two people should not be questioned based on gender. Gay marriage is making leaps and bounds at the moment and I hope it continues to do so.

Until then I hope people keep fighting and educating.

Here are the images that remind us why Takei is al kinds of awesome:

Same-sex Marriage: A super gay blog post.

Love is love.
Love is lovely.
It is lovely to love and to be in love.

A key element within a loving relationship is respect, something we are taught from infancy. We are taught to respect our elders, we are taught to respect our parents, we are taught to respect those that are in power. I still find it astonishing how seldom it is that people respect their fellow man.
We are living in an age where awareness of same sex love and the arguments for same sex marriage are being brought forth. Same-sex marriage is already legal in several countries, progress is being made.    


With same-sex marriage currently being discussed by the powers that be I wanted to discuss why same sex married should be legal in the UK whilst discussing various viewpoints that have been given from those who would oppose gay marriage. First of all I would like to state my reasons for supporting same sex marriage. Firstly, it is because it is love. Love cannot be valued or measured against each other and therefore heterosexual love, same sex love - they're not comparable. It's all beautiful and worthy of celebration. Secondly, because I myself have a wonderful partner who happens to share a gender with me. She is someone I adore and would be lucky to marry. I just hope that I don't have to move to another country to have to declare such love.
 
Now let's think about the main reasons given against same sex marriage.

"Same sex marriage will destroy the sanctity of marriage"
A point of view that goes without evidence, especially since same sex marriage is now legal in several countries. It will ruin nothing. If you can honestly think of any way in which same sex marriage will have an impact on your own marriage, do tell me. Do you know what really ruins the sanctity of marriage? Divorce. Divorce was something that literally severs, thus ruining, the sanctity of marriage and that has been legal for some time now. Marriage, in that instance, was rewritten and has become part of our society.

"Same sex marriage will redefine marriage"
The fact that rapists cannot force their victims to marry them, the fact we've created and carry out divorce and the fact that you can divorce and marry as many people as you want regardless of gender in most societies means we've already redefined marriage. It's an evolving institution to match an evolving society. Keep up.




"But marriage is about children, and gays can't have children"
Oh well, I guess you have us there... NOT.
Heterosexual marriage is not about having children otherwise the preparations for marriage would require intrusive fertility tests and since no one has their virility or reproductive organs examined prior to every marriage we can safely say this is not so. Also with our overpopulated world do we really have to be so concerned with the creation of more children? What we need is loving households open to adopting children. I'm just saying, us gays are a good market for that. There's nothing in the traditional marriage vows that says "I promise to fill you full of babies/squish out all your babies" so this argument, my friends, is pointless. One of my closest friends was married most of her life and her and her husband entered the marriage never planning to have children and for the time that they were married the marriage served the expected purpose, unhindered by the imagined requirement to childbearing. Some people just don't want to have children. Similarly some people cannot have children, and these people are still given the right to a common law, heterosexual marriage.

"But it says in the Bible tha-"
Don't force your religious views on me

"It's a sin"
Don't force your religious views on me

"Bible says marriage is one man and one woman"
Don't force your religions views on me

"You'll go to Hell"Don't force your religious views on me

Seriously. Without any desire to offend, pushing your religious views or lack of religious views on others is wrong. This is where the lack of respect is a real issue. You have to respect the religious rights of other people as well as their sexual and romantic rights. If you want to follow a religion/religious teaching, avoid 'sin' and Hell then do so, but also respect that others hold different views and should be allowed to live their lives in such a way.

"I just don't like it"
Oh yeah? I don't like it when people tell restrict my rights because of their own views an anxieties. Deal with it and move on.

Marriage is about committing yourself to someone and having certain benefits because of that love. Marriage is an institution that is forever evolving.


Using the argument that 'marriage is between a man and a woman' seems the stupidest argument.
Yes, we know that's the way marriage is currently. That's what we're trying to change. We're trying to make marriage more inclusive. Thank you for pointing out the obvious, good sir.

Marriage has been redefined. Marriage has changed. Marriage is changing. You can deny it now but it's only a matter of time. Many studies have shown that most people under the age of 25 are pro-gay marriage which helps me believe that if gay marriage were to go to public vote it would at least happen eventually. I hail from a generation that understands tolerance, practices acceptance and celebrates difference. In this particular celebration of 'difference' we need the outcome to be something 'same'. Allowing for same sex marriage won't harm anyone or threaten any values. All it will mean is that more people can get married. People that are already dating, co-parenting, loving each other. I for one can't wait for that day.

I am blessed to have a partner who will care for me when I'm ill, travel to me when we're apart, make me feel better when I'm down. Even before we were dating when I once injured my ankle and couldn't walk on it, she rushed from the other town to help walk me to the hospital. Before we were even dating when I was crammed into a boiling hot gym to do my theatre studies exam, sweating and without a beverage, she was waiting outside with a bottle of Diet Coke having thought I might be thirsty. She was the one who celebrated with me when I got into university. She was the one who held my heart when I went through break ups with other people. She was the one who cared for me during horrible panic attacks. I am so blessed to have found someone who is utterly selfless, caring and endlessly loving. I would be privileged to join my life with hers on paper.

If we can't get married we then lose out on so many of the legal rights that come with marriage.
If she were in hospital I wouldn't be able to visit her and stay by her side. If we had children there would be speculation and debate over our parentage, if one of us died the other partner may not even be considered a 'legal guardian'
We'd not be able to have spousal any say in funeral arrangements.

This would deem our relationship inferior to that of another couple, regardless of their love for each other or commitment, because there isn't a penis within this relationship and that, I feel, is wrong. As a society we need to attempt to deconstruct and re-evaluate our pre-conceived notions about marriage to become more inclusive and to accept same-sex marriage. As I have said it harms no one. Adhering to the idea of a 'traditional marriage' marginalizes many. The perpetuation of heterosexist attitudes and the ongoing denial of same-sex marriage stigmatises gay and lesbian couples and their relationships. We cannot continue to treat such couples as 'Other' or 'alternative' and solely consider heteronormative domesticity between a heterosexual marriage as the only form of marriage that is 'right'

Same sex relationships are going to happen.
Love is going to happen.
As couples these people need the rights that come with marriage, the rights that have been solely constructed around heterosexual marriage. It is time for love, regardless of gender, to be included. If you don't agree with gay marriage, then don't marry someone of your gender.



If you still oppose the notion of gay marriage then I hate to say it but ... how is it any of your business what other people want to do and how they choose to live their lives? What is it to you anyway?