Wedding Traditions I'm NOT Following...

The concept of wedding traditions can be a little odd. We so often associate weddings with big white dresses, but white dresses did not come to be heavily associated with weddings until about 1840. Prior to that, you'd wear whatever colour or garments were accessible. We so often associate

weddings with tradition, but sometimes I feel like a lot of these traditions perpetuate the idea of having to spend additional money on your wedding and that simply doesn't work for me. So below, I'm going to discuss some of the wedding traditions that my partner and I will not be following for our wedding next year.

Hiring a fancy car for the journey to the venue

Firstly, this doesn't work for us on a personal level because we will both be going to the venue with our families to get ready there on the morning of our weddings. It seems the most stress-free option. No getting into traffic! No running late! Less of a chance of something splattering on your white dress on the way to the venue! The other reason I'm not particularly fussed about it is that, typically, none of your guests see you arrive in the car. You might utilise it for some pre-ceremony photos, but other than that it's almost a glorified taxi ride.

The Garter Hunt

I don't know about you, but I have a very sweet and very Christian Granny and the idea of my partner vanishing up my skirt in front of all our wedding guests just seems a bit much. I'm not certain Granny would appreciate the spectacle... Personally, I doubt I'd even wear a garter in the first place.

Concealed with a Veil

Apparently in Ancient Greek/Roman culture, bridal veils were worn as it was thought that the veil would protect brides from evil spirits. In other cultures, it works more in arranged marriages where the veil is lifted to allow the groom a proper look at the person they're marrying. For me, my partner has been looking at my ugly mug for almost eight years. I may wear a veil, but I don't see the need for one that covers my face. Also, I'm naturally quite clumsy and a veil covering my face will probably end up with me walking into something which would somewhat ruin my dramatic walk down the aisle.

Three Course Sit Down Meal

So, I've been to weddings with the three course sit down meal. It's very formal and definitely seems to be the 'done thing' at such events. However, I have two reasons why we won't be doing this at our wedding. The first reason is that it's quite expensive to do pre-meal nibbles and canapés AND a three course meal AND wedding cake AND an evening meal/buffet for the guests AND all the champagne/cocktails/drinks in between. For us, we're going to have the canapés in place of a starter and the wedding cake in place of a dessert. Suddenly, the main meal part will simply be a main meal. Catering can be one of the most expensive parts of the day, especially if you have big families or a lot of guests in attendance - suddenly you'll see costs rise substantially. My partner and I started to get sad thinking of how we'd have to cut our guest list down simply because the price of food was going to be so high. In the end, we decided to cut costs by altering the overall meal plan thus allowing us to have more guests - the more the merrier! In the evening, we're going to be getting some food trucks to come down so guests can simply pick out their own meals and it gives people some variety. 

YOU sit on the left, YOU sit on the right.

So it was once traditional that the families of the bride and groom would sit on opposite sides of the venue. However, it is becoming more and more popular to just allow people to sit where they want. Some people have bigger families and therefore more guests. There may be family rifts where it's best to keep space between people on your big day. I personally prefer the idea that people can sit where they want. It continues the laid back vibe we want for our wedding. It also joins the two families together. After all, isn't that the point of a wedding? 

Hiring a Wedding Planner

Some people have busy lives and want to make their nuptials as smooth and stress free as possible. For me, it's OUR day. It'll be OUR decisions. It makes sense to me that we're the ones calling the shots and orchestrating the event. We are doing a lot of DIY bits for our wedding. Why should the planning be any different? I can see why some people would want a wedding planner but personally I always like to feel in control. We've only got a few months to go and our little laid back wedding doesn't feel like a wedding planner is really needed. 

The Father Giving The Daughter Away

For some, this is a really sweet and traditional moment in the ceremony known as the father 'giving away' his daughter to the person they are marrying. I know this is one that some people really like but I don't enjoy the idea of being 'given' to anyone. My parents have known my fiancée for almost 8 years now and the notion of a patriarch handing me over seems odd. Instead, my partner and I will both walk down the aisle with both of our parents either side and our siblings walking down just before us. I prefer this because both of my parents should rightly be by my side in one of the biggest moments of my life. 

The Groom

I mean, just on a personal note, mine is a groomless wedding so there's that... (My bride-to-be told me to suggest this final point. Thanks, darling) 

There may be other things that I'm personally not going to be doing, but so far, these are the ones we've put aside at this stage of our planning. Please come back in the future as I blog my way through the wedding process in the run up to our July 2018 wedding. 

How To Plan A Wedding In 8 Months...

Some little girls grow up with a real plan of what they want for their wedding day. Me? Well, I've had some vague ideas, but I don't think it's something I've ever really obsessed over. I recall thinking when I was very young, wanting the dress Satine wears in Moulin Rouge. It has always been one of my favourite films and I love the detail in the bodice fabric.

Before I met my fiancee, if you had asked me what my plans would be for my wedding, I'd have probably told you that I wanted a black and white theme. I had even considered wearing a black wedding dress. I've bookmarked a castle in Scotland with plenty of Gothic touches. I wanted to get married in the emerald wallpapered library. I would probably have gotten married around October time in the autumn. I can imagine my bridesmaids in black dresses with my childhood favourite flowers: blue roses (more to come on my obsession with dyed blue roses later...)

But I grew up. I met the love of my life. I adapted. Planning a wedding is truly a marriage of the interests of both parties within the couple. My partner is sunshine personified. My love brings out the very best in me. So when planning this wedding, actually sitting down and putting ideas onto paper, I have realised that my ideas and plans have changed entirely to accommodate us both as a couple.

As you can see in my previous blog post, I got engaged last July in Milan on our 6 year anniversary. Since then we had a lot of discussions about what we wanted in a wedding. It's only recently that we've actually set a date and started to plan. We've set the date for the 23rd of July next year. It will be on our 8th anniversary since we started dating. We always wanted to get married on our anniversary and engaged on our anniversary. It all just seems so special. But here we are in December and, as my wedding app reminds me, I have a mere 230 days until my wedding and all I've done thus far is booked the venue....

Okay, so I've done a lot of planning. I think we've planned out all the major details so far apart from our dresses (honestly, I'm still hoping to find a dress like the Moulin Rouge gown) but that may take more time. Especially as our wedding involves two brides, therefore it will involve two dresses. (By the way, we hate constantly being asked 'so are you both going to wear dresses? Does one of you have to wear a suit? If you know any same sex couples getting married, don't ask it. Just don't)

So, 230 days to go. Roughly 7 months to get our ducks in a row. Originally, I didn't see much point in planning until we had booked a venue and secured our coveted 23rd of July anniversary wedding date. However, having booked our venue this weekend, the ball is well and truly rolling! Already I have seamstresses in wedding dress shops telling me to get a move on because apparently it takes months and months to perfectly alter a wedding dress. Who knew?

I used to do a lot of writing/blogging. I even wrote a book. My partner this evening lovingly suggested that I get back into writing blogs. What I've found recently, being a member of various wedding groups online, is that I quite enjoy the community aspect of it. We're all trying to put together our perfect day and other brides to be are often such a wonderful source of inspiration. I therefore thought it would be fun to write whilst I'm going through the wedding planning process. If I'm scrolling through and reading about weddings, someone may take enjoyment in my plans too. So over these next 230 days I'm going to try and write a little bit about my plans: wedding dress shopping, how we picked our venue, traditions we're going to reject, how to stick to a wedding budget. Hopefully some other clueless bride-to-be out there will find some comfort in this as I have done scrolling other blogs. So expect some more posts to come as I throw myself fully into a world of lace and cake tier decisions......

Our Proposal Story

For me, good things happen in Northern Italy. It's where my life began. It's where my mother and father agreed they wanted to have a child at a wedding in Bergamo. It's where I spent my 18th birthday, in the midst of Carnivale in Venice. So when my partner and I were approaching our six year anniversary, we decided to spend five days in Milan to celebrate the milestone.

The day of our actual anniversary came around, and we decided to do the most recommended tourist attraction Milan has to offer: we decided to visit the stunning Milan Cathedral and then ascend to the Duomo di Milano. Due to our budget, we went for the cheapest ticket option, which meant we could enter the cathedral and then go up to the roof, but had to go by foot rather than paying the extra few Euros to go up by elevator. Inside, the experience was breathtaking. The Gothic Cathedral, uniquely designed, took centuries to complete.

A habit I've never really been able to shake is that whenever I enter a beautiful European cathedral, I will always feel compelled to light a candle where possible inside the building and say a prayer for my worries. Though I wouldn't consider myself strictly Christian, I know it's what my mother would do and so I find myself putting wax to flame nonetheless. The experience would have felt more spiritual were it not for the sheer amount of tourists swarming in and out of the building, leaving you feeling like a fish caught in a strong tide.

Eventually we began our ascension to the roof via a rectangular tower. It was at this point I remembered that I am not only afraid of heights, but I am horribly claustrophobic. As I walked up the seemingly never-ending and windowless tower, I regretted my choice of shoes - flip flops. Not great for climbing. When we finally got to the top, I had been fighting off a panic attack which came to fruition at the top as I saw how high up I was and began panicking. I got to the point that my breathing was shaky and I involuntarily started to cry, hot tears splashing from behind my dark black aviators. It didn't really conceal much though. My Italian is pretty shaky but I heard the guy behind me say to his friend, 'Oh, that poor girl!' My partner held my hand and lead me along slowly. I began to feel that, as long as I was with her, I would never have reason to be afraid. I calmed myself as we walked from the back of the building towards the front. The views, in truth, were spectacular. You can see for miles, rooftops beneath a sapphire sky. Just when I had calmed down, I saw there were more stairs. I began to hyperventilate. I could hear two Italians behind me saying, 'oh, that poor girl!' Nonetheless, Hannah held my hand and lead me on.

There is a spot near the very top of the cathedral where you can sit upon a stone bench and look down on the open square. Everything from up high looks so small. I forced myself to look down and fully absorb the moment, fighting my fear. I mean, I hyperventilated for a few good minutes. But eventually I calmed down. If you just force yourself to look down long enough, sometimes the fear subsides. Accept the height to take in the beauty, I told myself. I had a wonderful partner at my side and, just by sitting together, I felt safer. I knew I would always feel safer with her by my side. Eventually, she coaxed me over to a balcony to the side of the cathedral.We squeezed in and looked out over the rooftop and hustle and bustle of tourists going to and fro amongst the alleyways. There was just enough room for the two of us to stand there. I decided to push my boundaries just a little. I took my arm, and held it out over the balcony, and looked down.

'There,' I said, 'that's my brave deed for the day.'

'Have you enjoyed these last six years?' Han asked me.
I said yes.
'Do you want to keep doing stuff like this?'
Again, I said yes.
She sank to one knee, raising up a box housing a ring with sapphires matching the perfect blue of the sky above. I think she said something else, but I was too busy saying yes.

'Yes, of course,' are the words that I believe escaped my lips. Suddenly my fear vanished and my all too perfect fiancee earned her new status by ensuring we got the elevator back down to the ground.

"In The Garden of Whedon": Why Joss Whedon Is Awesome

Get it? Garden of Whedon/Garden of Eden? Seriously, if Joss Whedon doesn't already have a religion based on him for his fans I'm totally starting one. Joss Whedon has created so many wonderful shows, films and characters over the years. It's no secret that I'm a huge fan of Joss Whedon and his work. Therefore, as it is his birthday today, here is a list of awesome facts about Joss Whedon.

• Joss Whedon is a third-generation TV writer. As the son of Tom Whedon (who worked on Golden Girls) and John Whedon (who worked on the Donna Reed show) he is certainly carrying on the family tradition. 
• Joss Whedon shot his film "Much Ado About Nothing" in a matter of days at his house. In fact is was done in just 12 days. What have you achieved in 12 days? Was it as impressive as that? Yeah, I bet not.

• Whedon has provided female role models for a whole generation of young girls. In fact when I was growing up I had no queer female role models. No one ever explained to me that sometimes men can love men or women can love women. It was only really when I saw Tara and Willow's relationship that I even knew such love existed. Finally I didn't feel so alone. That little shred of queer representation really helped me and I am sure it helped so many others too. Representation matters. Also, characters like Buffy and Faith and Dawn and Anya who were not only compelling to watch, but complexly written female characters. 
• But, I mean, can we talk about Buffy a little more and how amazing that show was? All you need to do is watch episodes like Hush, The Body, Once More With Feeling and more to see how quirky and experimental the show could be. Joss Whedon gave us several kick ass female characters and many of them started on Buffy. Buffy was his pet project that started as a film. The film didn't quite capture Joss's vision so he created a version for television that could live up to his hopes for the show. Even on Angel, Joss Whedon would take opportunities to experiment with 'what if' style scenarios to explore characters and situations further.

• When Buffy ended her adventures on screen, Whedon partnered with Dark Horse Comics to share tales from the Buffyverse in comic book and graphic novel format. From further Buffy adventures to Fray: Future Slayer, the tales of girls fighting the forces of evil live on. Whedon has also written for popular titles from Marvel AND DC. He's bridging the gap, people!
• FIREFLY. Nuff said.
• Whedon co-wrote and produced the wonderful genre-busting film "Cabin In The Woods" which poked fun at the cliche pitfalls of the horror genre. This film is so good - definitely one you should sit down and watch without having read a review or watched a trailer. Horror connoisseurs are sure to love it.
• Whedon seriously wanted to write and direct a Wonder Woman movie. Whedon had previously been in talks with Warner Bros for such a project but, due to artistic conflicts, it never happened. Now we have Gal Gadot in the role, and all we can do is wonder.... what if?
• Whedon was one of the writers of Toy Story and if that doesn't impress you then clearly, unlike Angel, you have no soul.
• I'm sure you know who The Avengers are, right? Whedon's take on The Avengers has rejuvenated the superhero genre and set new levels of awesome for comic book adaptations. In fact The Avengers is the third highest grossing film of all time at the moment.
• As you may know, Marvel is now part owned by Disney. The Avengers and Toy Story are not Joss Whedon's only Disney credits. Did you know he worked on the script for Atlantis: The Lost Realm? Also Alien: Resurrection. Basically Joss Whedon is King of all your faves.  
• Joss Whedon still has many awesome projects yet to be created so here's hoping that those projects eventually come to fruition. 

EDIT: Please note that this article was written before rumours about Joss Whedon's conduct around women/comments from his wife were made about his treatment of her following their separation. While I can appreciate his art/work, these comments are noted.

Songs That Changed My Life

A fellow blogger friend of mine recently did a post outlining songs that changed her life and I thought that it was a lovely idea. I've decided to highlight some of the influential songs I've known and loved in my life too. It's impossible to go through all the hundreds of songs that have really resonated with me, but these are the first few that came to mind.

Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana

I remember where I was when I first heard the opening riff to this song. I was in the park in a town near where I used to go to school. I was sat with my friend Alex on a bench in the park and she played the song to me through her First Generation iPod as we shared earphones. Never have I had a more druglike experience. I was hooked. I had to know more about this band, about the man who sings with such pain and passion. Thus began my teenage obsession with Nirvana.

You Know You're Right by Nirvana

So, whilst very obsessed with Nirvana, I later stumbled across this gem. When you're a teenager, dealing with the heaviness of your hormones as well as being very mentally ill, this song hits home. When my depression would get really bad, I'd turn this song on and drown everything out. When I hear this song, I still get this feeling in the pit of my stomach I can't quite explain.

Past The Point Of No Return from The Phantom of the Opera

For me, The Phantom of the Opera was a dark, sensual piece of art. Past The Point Of No Return leads us towards the thrilling climax of the tale. It's dark, it's sexy and I never was quite the same again. Whenever I watch The Phantom of the Opera (which I save and only watch every few years as it's so special) I feel like I'm revisiting my first love.

3 Libras by  A Perfect Circle

I'd been a fan of Tool for quite some time but I stumbled across A Perfect Circle when I was in a bad and emotionally abusive relationship. This song really spoke to me at that time. In a time when I felt so low, this song reminded me that I mattered. I could love and care as much as possible, but some people will never appreciate it, never see what you do, never care about you quite the same.

But I threw you the obvious just to see
If there's more behind the eyes of a fallen angel
eyes of a tragedy

Here I am expecting just a little bit too much
From the wounded but I see through it all and see you

Don't Stop Believing by Journey

This song has been popularised via many TV shows, noticeably by Glee in acapella format. To me, this song always reminds me of my father and always will. His favourite line is: Some will win, some will lose and some are born to sing the blues.

Gravity by Sara Bareilles

This is another song tied to a relationship. Another relationship with someone who was very mentally unwell. Boy, I sure do know how to pick 'em, don't I? I mean... just listen to this song. There's a good chance it will gut you right down to that memory, that period in time, when you felt so raw.

Keep Breathing by Ingrid Michaelson

This song was one I came across about ten years ago at least. It was used in Grey's Anatomy. This song reminded me, a depressed teenager, to keep breathing. Things are bad at times but you just have to keep breathing, you have to keep growing.

Interview with writer Toby Whithouse regarding his new play: Executioner Number One

This is not your first play to open at the Soho Theatre - what's it like to be back?

Fantastic. My first play at Soho in 2000 changed everything for me. It was an amazing experience. I was still finding me feet as a writer and their generosity and support was invaluable. I’m working with Jonathan Lloyd, who directed both my previous plays there. He’s a fantastic, rigorous collaborator. Soho is a great space with an incredible atmosphere. The variety of work they have there is jaw-dropping, I’m delighted to be part of it.

Executioner Number One covers a rather dark subject area: the death penalty. What inspired you to explore this topic?

I’m very anti-death penalty but I find it a fascinating subject. I think the problem with the death penalty, aside from the huge risk of getting it wrong, is that it’s lazy. It’s a kneejerk, rage-filled response. It’s far harder, and politically braver, to address the issues that lead to crime. There’s no evidence that a death penalty does anything to reduce crime. It’s not prevention, it’s revenge, and a civilised society has to be better than that.

Many years ago I worked on a play about the Holocaust, and one of the aspects I found most fascinating was the ordinary men and women who kept the machinery of mass murder going. The administrators and accountants, the secretaries and train drivers. It struck me that they would be workplaces like any other. There’d be complaints about hours and pay, rivalries and people vying for promotion - while they added up columns of fatalities and organised train timetables. I’ve always wanted to explore that workplace, where the peevish tensions of an office are played against a backdrop of murder and horror.

At present, from a sociopolitical standpoint, we seem to be living in quite an interesting time. Has this at all inspired Executioner Number One? What impact do you feel the current political climate will have on different forms of contemporary art?

Executioner Number One is set in a parallel present, where - following a referendum after the Guildford and Birmingham pub bombings - capital punishment has been reinstated. This has prompted a massive shift to the right, politically. It has allowed successive governments to bring in more draconian policies regarding surveillance and the restriction of civil liberties. Not to mention a deepening of suspicion and prejudice.
I finished the first draft in April 2015, and at the time it was just a vaguely high-concept flight of fancy. Of course there were elements of this (in fact one of the inspirations for the play was a comment under an article in the Daily Mail saying that all lorries coming from the continent should be pumped full of gas to kill any illegal migrants hiding inside), but I never thought humanity would embrace naked fascism again. But as time went on, I would find myself looking at the play and then looking at the news and being staggered by how closely the two were aligning. I’ve been tempted to rewrite sections of the play to reflect the news… but what would I change? I’ve tweaked elements, but the play has become far more topical than I had anticipated or wanted.

You've historically written a lot of works for film and television. Do you prefer writing for traditional or new media?

To be honest it all depends on the story. I first came up with the idea for Executioner Number One when I was looking to write a short film I could direct. I pursued that for a while, but I couldn’t really get any traction. So then I tried it as a traditional stage play, with other characters. But again, I couldn’t get past the first couple of pages. So then, purely as an exercise to get the idea flowing, I tried writing Ian’s monologue. And instantly the idea had found its voice. Sometimes you have to allow the story to tell itself in the way it wants.

Executioner Number One has been written as a one man show. What challenges did you face when writing the dialogue?

I did stand up comedy for a few years, and one of the first things I realised was that as you perform your material, you start editing it down. Finessing it and streamlining it. I’m writing this mid-way through rehearsals ad it’s been surprising how many cuts we’ve made, losing any extraneous lines or even just words. The thing about Ian is that he has absolutely no self-awareness. He doesn’t realise how peevish and cruel he is, how buffoonish and ridiculous. Those are my favourite characters to write, especially from a comedic point of view. I’ve always loved straight forward gag-writing, but making a character funny without them knowing it is much more fun.

You're stepping out of the writer's chair and performing in this show yourself. Can you tell us what this experience has been like for you?

I was an actor for 10 years before I became a writer, so this isn’t a completely vainglorious Florence-Foster-Jenkins type exercise. But it’s been wonderful to get back into performing. Obviously I’ve been through a thousand different emotions, from excitement to terror, from exhilaration to wanting to fake my own death. The first thing I had to do was get my voice back into shape, so I started doing voice classes again. Rediscovering those skills and exercising those muscles again was amazing, and reconnected me to my time at drama school and as an actor, genuinely happy periods. So it’s been a really lovely experience so far.

Have you considered adapting Executioner Number One for film or television in the future?

The first thing my brilliant producer Judith asked me when we first sat down to discuss the play many many months ago was what my ambition for the play was. I said it was simply this. I just wanted to do it at Soho. I know as an actor and as a writer I’ve occasionally done jobs not because I necessarily wanted to do them, but because of what they might lead to. Invariably they’ve led to sod all and I’ve just had a miserable time. So for this, my priority is simply the production at Soho. It would be great if it had a further life, but what I really want is for this run to be a success and for people to enjoy it.

What is your advice to aspiring writers?

Read everything. Literally everything. Novels, screenplays, non-fiction, articles, comics, poetry, anything you can get your hands on. And write every day. What will make you successful is your voice, so that’s what you have to develop. And the only way you’ll do that is by writing all the time. Don’t imitate other writers. Be inspired by them, but don’t try to ape their voices. I say this as someone who has notebooks full of scenes written in the style of Miller or Mamet that are, frankly, dreadful. Writing is a muscle. Build it.

How Did You Get Here?: 2015 Edition

So every now and then, I like to look at my blog statistics to see what people typically Google to find my blog, and I often keep track of some of the weirdest searches. Here are some of the weird things people have Googled and somehow ended up at my blog. Altogether, it looks like a really bad slam poem.

• bilbo film
• pinterest birdcage tattoo
• steve speros easy going
• angelina adoption
• lestat and jesse fanfiction
• gabrielle leimon goth
• elitism in the goth scene
• gamer nerds female
• only the face of akasha
• IT crowd Jen wardrobe 
• jerk off challenge
• fake friends n sluts but love game of thrones
• which is that famous actress in game of thrones?

and my personal favourite:

• welcome to the nerd club

Let's Get Frank About Feminism.

Okay, so the 'F' word has been culturally very prominent in 2017 and I think it's time to have a quick chat about it. I say this because when we discuss feminism, there is still a heavy backlash. You see it all across social media:

'You think you need feminism? You try looking at third world countries.... it's bad for women there so you shouldn't complain'

'I don't like feminism. I believe in equality for everyone'

'But what about issues facing MEN?'

'Yeah, I don't really like feminism because I think there are negative connotations about the word, so I've never really associated myself with it because people take it to the extreme'

'I don't support feminism because I'm a woman and have never experienced gender bias or sexism'

I shouldn't feel at all anxious at times to state that I'm a feminist, but so many of us do. Being a feminist seems natural, even necessary. Why wouldn't I support gender equality? Many people out there are opposed to the notion of feminism simply because they do not know what it is. Misinformation on the matter is a huge issue.

So let's straighten this out:


Feminism, noun, the advocacy of women's rights on the ground of equality of the sexes. 

Did you catch that? Feminism is about gender equality. It's about everyone being equal. Feminism is often confused with misandry. Misandry is defined as dislike of, contempt for, or ingrained prejudice against men (i.e. the male sex). If you think that feminism and misandry are the same thing then I'm sorry but you are mistaken. Also, feminism focuses on pulling up people regardless of their gender identity. Feminism is about calling out and ameliorating issues that men face in modern society too. 

But from the distance I hear the cry of "Why be a feminist? That focuses on women. I'm a better person because I believe in supporting everyone. Isn't it better to be a humanist?"

Humanism is about empathising with human beings collectively and as individuals and that's great. Humans are great. Well, some are a bit rubbish, but as a species we're not that bad. Feminists want gender equality. They want all people to be treated fairly and equally. The reason it's called feminism is because women have historically been ranked lower than men. There have been certain injustices women have had to face whereas men have not. Women are still facing sociocultural issues that men do not have to face. This is called sexism. I can assume this is a word that you've heard.

I've encountered plenty of people who say "Well men have never treated me badly so sexism can't be that bad, can it?"
How lucky for you to have never encountered sexism. You must live in a wonderful little bubble of joy. I can tell you now that not everyone has your experiences. Just because you've not experienced sexism doesn't mean that it doesn't exist. Just because you've not been murdered doesn't mean that murder doesn't happen every damn day. Your experiences, or lack of them, do not undermine the experiences of other people and in 2017 it's so important that we support people and listen to their stories.

Here's a quiz to tell if you're a feminist.
Are you a feminist?
Do you believe that men and women should be treated equally?
Do you feel that people should be held back, discriminated against or treated unfairly due to their sex/gender identity?

If you said yes to any of these questions then congratulations, you're a feminist!
If you said no... Are there women in your life? Are you a woman? Why don't you respect them? Do you want them to be seen as lesser beings? Are you comfortable explaining to the women in your life why they deserve to be treated differently and have less access to things men are entitled to?

Oh, and I've disabled the comments because of the old saying: "The comments on an article about feminism justifies feminism."

So if you were hoping to leave some comment against this article, it's probable that you're part of the problem. 

If you believe in equality, feminism is about pulling everyone up and providing equal opportunities in our society. Feminism is not a dirty word, it is a necessary fight. If you really feel against feminism, I just ask one thing of you: listen to the people fighting for it. Listen to their experiences. Listen to their concerns. Sure, some people may take things to an extreme. Some people may say things that you don't like. However, if people everywhere are discussing issues relating to feminism and you feel against it, I would caution you to just ask yourself why you're so afraid of feminism in the first place.

Writer Problem#11: INCOMING RANT - Entry Fees

Okay, so I've done a few of these 'Writer Problem' posts in the past just as little throwaway thoughts on things that impact us writers. One that bugs me is entry fees.

So you want to get your work out there, maybe you're considering entering a competition which could lead to your work being published. Okay, entry fees may cover some costs for the publisher, but can you imagine forking out money for all the competitions out there? It would be crazy. Some of them are almost £20. I don't want to pay just to not be published. Now okay, I get it. Sometimes the payment and the risk is worth it and it leads to good things, but I know some people who have paid a lottttt of money entering competitions and never winning, never being chosen. It's not something I've resorted to yet, but I'm sure I'll try to avoid it at all costs.

What I Do Is Not What I Am.

The milk steaming wand of the coffee machine begins to sputter tiny droplets of milk upwards as it froths into cappuccino foam. I have two and a half minutes to make three very different coffees, scoop two large tubs of popcorn, put together a hot-dog (after checking that it has reached a high enough temperature to be considered properly cooked) and take payment for the order. At the same time a colleague, one who is very new to the job, calls me over to ask for urgent assistance as it is my job to train her on how to use the tills and prepare food. The customer is giving me a look that suggests his impatience. He is already quite late to his film, having chosen to turn up when the twenty minutes worth of adverts and trailers are almost entirely over, and the film is due to start any minute. I am back by the till with all the items from his order prepared.
"Anything else I can get for you today? Any ice cream? Extra drinks?"
I have to ask such questions. We're graded on it via a mystery shopper system.
"A mortgage broker," he says looking at me exasperatedly as he eyes up the figure of his order. A common joke, because people always want to laugh at how expensive the cinema is these days. I smile it off. It is not my place to get into a debate with customers about pricing; this is stated in the handbook.

I do wonder, however, if this customer would treat me with more respect if he knew about my main job. As it turns out, I actually work for a highly respected law firm that often deals with the legal aspects of mortgages. But he doesn't know that. None of the customers do, the ones who yell and talk down to me and complain that there's too much foam in their latte like that's the worst thing they've experienced all week. Maybe if they saw me at my other job, or on my graduation day or at my book launch they would treat me with more respect. I've seen this in practice from friends, bosses, customers and clients alike. People who work in minimum wage, entry level jobs are seen as useless or without skills. It's like when you see the argument for raising the wages of people working in places at McDonalds and there are always people harping on about how working in the food/hospitality industries aren't hard or stressful and therefore aren't deserving of any more money than currently afforded. Performing a customer service role allows some members of society to think we are here just to serve you and therefore that makes you better. Spoiler alert: it doesn't. We are not here to be your personal servant or verbal punching bag. We are people with skills or access to resources that you do not have. We provide services that you want or require. It seems pointless to come to us for our services only whilst looking down your nose. We are working to make an honest wage and deserve respect.

I'm a millennial. You know - one of those lazy, entitled kids the media likes to blow hot air about. Yet I have spent the last two years working two jobs, often seven days a week. I'm always early at my desk at the law firm by 8:30am to start prepping files before the phones start to ring at 9am. Then I work like a dog til 5:30pm, walk across the river to the cinema where I scoop popcorn and clean up people's mess until almost midnight. Then back in the office the next morning. I am one of many of these 'lazy millennials' putting work before themselves because at this point in time, it feels impossible for most British young adults to even consider buying a house.

I worked in a cinema over three years. I needed to find a job when there weren't many going and, although it is only a 4 hour contract, I was lucky enough to be granted five shifts per week on average. I picked up the job not long after graduating from university. I was finding it hard to find a graduate job in my area. Working at the cinema allowed me a level of flexibility. It gave me time to work on my first book which has since been published. My family found it strange that, despite a good education and a publishing deal, I had never even had a salaried job beyond the minimum wage. I've never really felt like I had to justify myself to anyone however the way people have treated me based on my jobs. I then started working for a law firm, I kept my cinema job for a little while. I like getting to see movies for free and have so much love for my colleagues there. We're all in the same boat and therefore truly sympathise with the nonsense we all put up with on shift. I work, on average, six days a week now. Sometimes I work from 9am until 10:30pm or even midnight and I did this for two years. I feel a stark contrast in the way people treat me. Working in a food-serving, customer service role I've often found that people talk down to me and will be rude. It then feels weird to go into the office the next day to be greeted with respect for the same amount of effort I put into my job. Even in my personal life, friends and family members have acted differently towards me based on my employment.

The differences between both jobs are utterly strange. For my minimum wage job I have to be on time. To register my presence I have to clock in so I therefore work for every penny. You get a half hour break, but you should be back a minute or two before that break is over - just to be sure that the changeover of breaks goes swiftly. We have to clean everything ourselves. If I am more than four minutes late to work, my pay could be docked. If things are busy, and our shift runs over, we are only paid if it goes over by fifteen minutes and our manager has to sign off to this so we can be paid for our time. No authorisation? No pay.

At the law firm, things are very different. If anyone is late in my new office no one bats an eyelid. The company employs cleaners to clean up after us. At the law firm, we are provided with free tea and coffee to which we can help ourselves and we can eat or make a beverage whilst on the clock. At my minimum wage job, nothing is free. You can only eat or drink on your break period, which is allotted at some time during the shift by a member of management. You can drink water on shift, but you have to keep the cup around the back of the retail area, out of reach, and must dispose of the cup immediately when you are done. You cannot have a drink by your till, even when working in the middle of summer Blockbuster season when you're at your till serving hundreds of people for half an hour without rest. At my minimum wage job, if I were to stop and chat to a colleague for a moment, I can almost guarantee that a member of management will come over to break us up and give us work to do. Heaven forbid we let a moment go by where we're not earning every penny. When a job pays you minimum wage, I feel like they're saying that they pay you that amount because legally that's the lowest they can pay you and if they could pay you less for the same work, you bet your ass they would.

 In the office, people chat and experience those slumps of energy in the afternoon where you take a mental break for a second just to unwind. At my minimum wage job I'm expected to be working every second for every penny, often whilst multi-tasking and delivering perfect customer service regardless of my mood. I know many who work minimum wage, entry level jobs who find themselves policed and treated less than respectfully by the customers who think that their office jobs make them somehow better. It doesn't. Why are we building up this idea that some workers are worth less respect than others?

The other day I bumped into an old friend. I'd just come from the law firm to grab some lunch in town and he asked what I was up to these days as he pointed out my nice suit. I explained I was working for a law firm now and explained the kind of work I was doing. He then said, 'Well, I am so pleased for you. I mean, let's be honest - it's so much better than working at a cinema. I mean that must have been very degrading what with your degree and everything. It's good you've found something better to do with your time.' So I interjected and explained I still do the odd shift at the cinema. He realised he had made a huge mistake and back-pedalled saying that, as a film enthusiast, it was such a great job. It was too late. His opinion was already out there and reinforced what I knew to be true: people judge your job against you as if it is an indication of your worth. He's not the only person to have made such comments. We see good, salaried jobs as inherently better work to be doing and form our thoughts on the person around that over time.

What I do is not what I am. One would assume that in a salaried job in a 'respectable' field of work would require the kind of treatment I've experienced working for minimum wage, but this isn't what I've found thus far. My years of working myself to the point of death across two very different kinds of job have been eye opening. People will make assumptions about you based on your job which aren't necessarily correct. They will treat you differently. Sometimes those who are paid minimum wage have to deal with more stress than those with a comfy, salaried office job. As long as people are working hard for a living, they deserve respect, understanding and compassion - especially if you've never stood in their shoes.

Book Review: Perfume by Patrick Suskind

So it has been a while since I posted a book review and I thought I'd post a little something about a book I have recently read. This is a book that my partner bought for me and I initially felt quite excited by the premise: In the slums of eighteenth-century France, the infant Jean-Baptiste Grenouille is born with one sublime gift — an absolute sense of smell. As a boy, he lives to decipher the odors of Paris, and apprentices himself to a prominent perfumer who teaches him the ancient art of mixing precious oils and herbs. But Grenouille's genius is such that he is not satisfied to stop there, and he becomes obsessed with capturing the smells of objects such as brass doorknobs and fresh-cut wood. Then one day he catches a hint of a scent that will drive him on an ever-more-terrifying quest to create the "ultimate perfume" — the scent of a beautiful young virgin.

I thought I'd love this book. I love perfume. I love crime fiction and murder and dark characters. In all honesty, I was so let down by this book. I found the first 150 or so pages to be very slow and I hoped it would lead to a thrilling climax. Well, there is a climax but it's just bizarre. I won't spoil it for you but things go from 0 to 100 very quickly.

I think I'm mostly disappointed because the blurb and cover made it seem like it would be far more sensual, I somewhat envisaged a situation quite like the poem Porphyria's Lover, a poem about a man who loves his partner so much and feels so much for her that in a moment of passion he kills her so that, in a way, she is always his and always young and beautiful. It's messed up but it's one of my favourite poems. I somewhat expected something like that: that our unhappy protagonist, Grenouille, is harvesting the scents of these women to capture their innocence and that it would be more about his selection and pursuits of these women.

The book focuses a lot on the craft of extracting scents from natural substances and how perfume is made. We only really get to a lot of the murders near the end of the book and alas - most of it we don't get a lot of detail about.

What I can say is that the book has probably one of the best opening lines of any book I've ever read. It just wasn't what I expected. I've read it. I don't think I'd ever read it again.

Baby Name Tag Challenge

So, a tag that I'd spotted on Tumblr a while back is the Baby Name Tag Challenge. I often

skulk around baby name blogs and apps because when I'm writing, I often use them for finding good names for characters. I came across this tag and thought I would give it a go. 

Note: I'm not disclosing any of the actual names I plan on using for my future children. At least not the first girl name and first boy name I plan on using. There are plenty of names that my partner and I have on the outskirts of our minds that we've not fully agreed on yet. Anways, I thought that this would be something fun to do whilst I currently take a work break. I am really interested in unusual, unique names. After all, that's the purpose of a name in the first place: it serves as a unique identifier. What's the point of having a class full of people called John Smith? You suddenly have to think of new ways to identify and separate them. So here we go, the names I'd choose but not the ones that my fiancee and I currently have planned.

1) Names from the 'Most Popular Names' list.
William and Harper - but I'd never use either. 

2) Twins
2 boys: Harrison and Beckett
2 girls: Enid and River.
Boy/Girl: Harrison and Enid

3) If I could change my name? Alira

4) Four kids, names all have to start with same letter.
Can't pick a letter. This would never happen. I don't really think I'd ever give my kids names that are too matchy-matchy. It's just not my style.  Closest I can think of is Enid, Edith, Ezra and Elodie.

5) Favourite animal inspired names?
Wolf

6) Favourite colour inspired name?
Violet

7) Top 3 boy names
Kept secret, will use

8) Top 3 girl names
Kept secret, will use

9) Favourite celebrity baby names:
Scout (as in Scout Willis)
Ignatius (Cate Blanchett's child)

10) Ultimate guilty pleasure name
Virginia: It's a name I'd love to use but can't because it contains the word 'virgin' and sounds like 'vagina' so bullying would be a concern. 

11) Most hated baby name?
Gary
I also personally don't like it when a baby is named after the father and then becomes Hank Jr or Harry Jr. Give them their own identity.

12) Name based on food/drink?
Hmm... Is this even really a thing? Other than Apple, Gwyneth Paltrow's kid, I can't think of any food or drink based names I'd really like. 

13) Name based on a month:
Juno (like June)

14) Baby name from Twilight?
Jane

15) A baby name that is already in your family?
Cameron 

Find the full list of questions below and feel free to steal it and post your own: 

 Questions

1. List your favourite and least favourite names from the SSA 2011Top 10  Baby Name List. (why do you like or dislike them and would you use a nickname? http://www.ssa.gov/oact/babynames/ 

2. If you had twins, what would you name them? (G/G, B/B, B/G) 

3. If you could change your name to anything, what would it be? 

4. You have 4 children. Any gender. Their first names all have to start with the same letter. What would their names be? 

5. Favourite animal inspired name.  

6. Favourite colour inspired name.

7. Top 3 boy names. 

8. Top 3 girl names. 

9. Favourite celebrity baby name. 

10. Ultimate guilty pleasure name.  

11. Most hated baby names. 

12. Choose a baby name based on a food/drink. 

13. Choose a baby name based on a month.  

14. Choose a baby name from Twilight. 

15. Choose a baby name that is already in your family. 

How To Support A Depressed Lover.

Depression sucks. If you've ever experienced it, briefly or for a long period of time, you know this to be true. Similarly, if you've seen your partner or someone you love experience it, you know how helpless you can feel in trying to help. I've been with my current partner for almost seven years. When we met my depression was, I feel, a lot worse. I'm older now. I'm better at handling the illness. Back then, it was certainly more of a constant, nagging experience and I'd just gotten out of a relationship with someone who also had severe depression so needless to say we weren't the best help for each other. I'm starting to feel better now, but the depression itself certainly hasn't gone altogether. I'd dated people before who were dismissive of my depression or destructive in nature which worsened my mental health a great deal. I therefore feel so lucky to have someone who cares for me and really knows how to handle me when I'm at my worst. It's up to the individual as to whether they want to seek therapy or medication but around that, there are little things that you can definitely do to help someone with depression. From my experience, and from the help of my wonderful partner, here are some things you could do to help a depressed lover.

1) Keep Them From Harmful Activities
If they already have depression then things like smoking and drinking probably aren't making it any better. Try to be supportive, but just try to keep them from doing anything self destructive, even the little things that may seem harmless.

2) Support Them In Helpful Activities
Even if what helps them is sitting under a blanket in complete, comatose like silence and stillness for a few hours. If you can be there if means a lot even if your partner can't tell you. Encourage them to do the things they love. Make sure they eat and eat well.

3) Keep The Place Clear
If you can do a little bit of tidying, this can be very helpful. They say a tidy house makes a tidy mind and whether or not this is true it certainly makes things feel a little more organised. It's easy enough to leave mess, but mess accumulates and becomes clutter which can quickly become full domestic chaos. If your surroundings feel more clean and clear, this may help.

4) Eat Well
Try to have a diet involving lots of healthy food with a real focus on fruits and vegetables and less sugary, salt-filled, processed food causing blood sugar levels to drop and the body to feel sluggish. To fix something bad inside you have to put in something good.

5) Take Your Partner Outside
They say a little sunshine is the best way to boost happiness. Try to get them to go on a walk, however brief. Encourage exercise and exploration. Try and find activities and things to do.

6) Ask Them About Their Feelings.
If they don't want to talk then that's OK. If they do then talking it out can actually help boost their mood. Don't always try to find a solution to every problem. Don't try to turn it into a teachable moment. Sometimes when we're depressed and we just want to offload some emotional baggage all we want to hear is someone say to us "Yeah, that sucks. I love you." rather than "wow, have you tried doing this?" or "yep, that's life. Get used to it."

7) Prompt Self Care.
Remind them to do little things to care for themselves. This can be as simple as making their bed in the morning, having a warm bath, listening to a relaxing audiobook before bed. A few gentle reminders may set them into the habit of doing these little things which may help to restore a sense of order and structure.

8) Banish Their Destructive Thoughts.
In my relationship I've had some really low moments when life around me was getting too much. Even though I have plenty of people in my life who love me that love doesn't always penetrate the walls depression can put up. At one point, when I was experiencing quite extreme suicidal ideation, my partner just sat with me and didn't belittle me for these feelings. My partner, knowing I'm a writer, broke it down for me with a metaphor: 'you have to remember that there's a killer in your brain. It's eating away on the inside and trying to make you destroy the outside. Don't let it make you finish the job.'

9) Smile. Hug. Show Love.
Unless they need personal space, hug them. Give out long hugs and try not to break away from that hug if they're not letting go - you have no idea how much they may need that hug. Snuggle up on the couch under a blanket and just be close. Sometimes just a little bit of human affection can make you feel a little better. If something makes them laugh try to keep making them laugh. Smile around them and try to prompt them to smile. The more we smile and laugh actually can help to boost our mood.

10) Remind Them That They Are Loved.
Do nice little things for them like breakfast in bed, picking them flowers, putting on their favourite movie. Make them cups of tea or cook their favourite meal. Do little things to spark up positive feelings. Sometimes it really makes the difference when depression seems to be taking over.

11) Take Care Of Yourself Too
If you are trying to help someone you love who is mentally ill and you yourself are also mentally ill or become mentally ill whilst caring for them, this is potentially problematic. It can be really difficult to balance caring and being cared for. I feel if all parties in the relationship are experiencing depression or mental illness, then it is crucial to support and love each other but to also consider getting external help through therapy, medication or whatever may work for you. It takes a lot to be someone's crutch and it's even harder to do when you yourself are falling.

Alrighty, so my 25th birthday is tomorrow.

Roughly four years ago, I was coming to the end of my university degree. I had spent three years in a big town in Yorkshire and I'd been working and working and working on my degree. I found myself watching YouTube and looking at videos of a YouTuber I like and she was rock climbing down canyons in the American dessert. I had this strong feeling that I was watching someone else live and I myself wasn't out there in the world living my own damn life. I sat down that day and I typed up a list of things I wanted to achieve before the age of 25. Okay, so I'm almost 25.

So, here is my final update on my B425 list progress. I will soon sit down and write a new list, like 30 Before 30: a list of things to accomplish before I turn 30. Here we go... 

- Stick with your pescetarian diet and maybe try going vegan for a month just for the experience.
Well, I am still doing the whole pescetarian thing and I've actually considered trying the vegan diet for a month in 2016. Watch this space. It's something I'm probably gonna have to do a little bit later than expected, but I will try. 

- Make a savings account. Ok, that sounds like a really dull one but in a few weeks I'll be looking for a job and I want to have money to put away for my future that can go towards a deposit on an apartment, paying for a nice holiday, paying off student debt etc. It seems kinda lame, but I feel at this stage it's a sensible thing to do. Even just £10 a week will do the trick, however much I can put in there.
Okay. so this one seems so crazy to me. I started a savings account and very soon my fiancee and I are actually going to be buying a house. I can't believe that a few years ago, I was sat in our tiny apartment, hoping to scrape together the funds for a basic apartment when my fiancee and I are now looking to buy a three bedroom house as our first home. This one really warmed my heart.

- Stand out in public with a 'Free Hugs' sign for at least an hour just to spread some joy. Maybe do it to raise awareness of/raise money for a charity that helps with mental health.
I haven't done this one yet but it seems like a nice idea! Again, watch this space. I wish I'd done this in 2016. I feel last year we all needed free hugs.

- Revisit places that made me happy. I want to travel to the islands around my home country, Scotland, and return to some of the places that have brought a sense of inner peace. I want to be the old me that swam in waterfalls, danced til dawn and even skinny dipped in the North Sea. I also want to revisit Venice. I'd return to Venice every year if possible. There's no place ever I've felt more at peace in.
Sadly, I don't think I've actually been to Scotland these last four years. May have to make a visit. However, I have been to some other truly awesome places.

- Finish at least one novel and seek publication for it. Pretty self explanatory but I'd like to be a published writer by 25. Before you say it - yes, I know how tough it will be, but there is no harm in being ambitious.
As I read this one, I truly started tearing up..... how was I to know that a few months later I would land my first ever publishing deal? My first book came out in 2013. I have the guts of a novel written. I have other ideas and projects in the works too. I've not really finished anything because I've spent the last few years working every damn day to save up to buy a house and a tired brain doesn't necessarily create great literature, but soon.... soon I hope to have the time to write again. So glad I completed this one. You have no idea.

- Try to learn how to make sushi., even just one basic kind.
Haven't done it yet. Give me time. I just need rice, nori and bamboo rollers, right? Hmmm.... we shall see.


- Take up a class in something new. Maybe I could do one each year. Maybe I'll finally learn to knit or take up karate. Or both. Knitrate.
Actually, I took up gardening over the last two years. So I guess that counts as a hobby.

- Get back into hiking. Once your leg is healed, try jogging again.
Okay, so I wrote this one in because I had recently had a severe injury to my knee which has caused years of long term, chronic pain and it has been incredibly difficult to do, well, anything. But I've done a lot of walking and hiking and long walks so I'd consider this a success. I actually went on an uphill hike with my fiancee this past weekend and we met loads of lovely horses. 

- Roadtrip. It seems like a dreadfully cliche thing to do but I'm gonna do it... Straight after I learn how to drive and buy a car.
Didn't do it. 

- Learn to drive.
Didn't do it.  Should do it this year.

- Buy a car.
Didn't do it. 

- Act again. I used to be involved with amateur dramatic societies and really enjoyed it. It was relaxing to spend an hour a week playing dress up with your friends and pretending to be someone else. I may also follow in my father's footsteps and attempt to write a pantomime. Maybe I'll direct a play.
I totally did this one and got really close to directing, I just didn't have the time. 

- Get in shape. One day I'll probably be acting as an incubator to a human being and that will make my tummy swell to the point I'll have little pink lightning bolt style stretch marks all over. I would like to slim down as much as possible and enjoy a few good bikini years before the whole baby thing.
Again, because of the whole knee injury thing, it has made exercise difficult. My knee causes great amounts of pain and discomfort. I have put a lot of work into making this better though. Almost every day in November, I went to the gym to build up strength in and around my bad knee. It's a work in progress, but such injuries take years to heal. I'm healthier, but there is still work to be done. I have actually dropped a few pounds already in the last two months.

- Visit at least one of the following places, at the very least: New Zealand, Australia, USA (preferably for a road trip style holiday), Canada, Spain, Ireland. If you hit more than one, even better. Anything beyond that is just gravy. Also, take more trips/short breaks with friends like Kavos this summer. Find a nice mixture of travelling alone and travelling as part of a group. New Zealand is the most likely at this point in time - but if the changeover is in America, that technically kinda crosses USA off the list for the time being.
I am so pleased to say that this year I went to the USA and Canada. Haven't done Australia or New Zealand but my fiancee and I are actually headed there in 2017 because, aside from just saving up for a house, I also secretly put aside money to take us on the holiday of a lifetime and I am so excited. In the last few years, I have also been to Germant, Greece, Budapest, Italy and France.

- Try your hand at journalism.
Not long after posting my B425 list, I actually was accepted to write for The Huffington Post UK. I just posted a new article there. 

- Write some form of fanfiction, just for shits and giggles
*cough* I did this. 

- Get a job. Any job. I don't mind what, but I do know that I want to be working as soon as I am done with university. How else am I going to support some of the more expensive entries on this list such as world travel?
Did this. Did this a lot. 

- A list I read featuring things to do suggested to write a song and put it out there. I'd like the idea of just recording a couple of songs with friends to contribute to the ever growing monster that is music. I miss singing. I want to get back into singing again, strengthen my voice and my lungs, and record a few songs... maybe even perform them live to an audience.
I have written songs. Haven't recorded any. Give it time.... 

- Get involved with charity again. Do fundraising or donate each month. Something. In this world it's far too easy to forget these things

I've donated to charities and raised money for charities so another success on this one.

- Learn to cook. Ok, I will admit it. My cooking is pretty basic. I've been meaning to try to learn how to cook Chinese cuisine for some time and after university I shall probably try. I'll also look into interesting vegetarian recipes and maybe try to come up with my own. If I write them down I could create a vegetarian cookbook. Ha! Me with a fucking cookbook. It's actually a pretty funny idea. Actually, you know what? I'll try it.

I am so much better at cooking now. Another success. I mean, I could be better. I'm still learning, still improving....

- Try to write a vegetarian cookbook of your own recipes. If no one wants to publish it, which is probably what will happen, start a blog about it.

I have started my notes on this project. 

- Take up some sort of dance class. Come to think of it, future me, you've always been shit at dancing and learning how to move your own body might be good. Ballroom, salsa, whatever. It's cool. Just not disco. We tried that once. We quit after the first session. DEAR GOD, EVERYONE WAS WEARING DENIM AND DANCING TO COTTON-EYED JOE AND SEEMED TO ENJOY IT.

Not done this due to the whole knee thing. Something for the future....

- Try to pay off your student debt as soon as possible. Good creddit, yada yada. Weight of debt forever looming until you do, yada yada. You get the point.

Too busy saving for a house but have made some student loan repayments.

- Start writing/filming/creating short films and sketches. These can be for YouTube or to pursue a career in film. Anything! I'd love to direct my own film or TV show that I had written and was therefore there from the point it was created and seeing it through the whole process.

Tried, wasn't keen on it.

- Take up photography. It used to be something that you were so interested in. I'm not saying you have to do a course in it or anything but as long as you can see something pretty, hold a camera and press the right button it could be a nice way to spend your time.

Done.

- Buy cheap clothing/accessories and modify them, make them really personal. Like your Bauhaus shirt... but better.

Not done yet.

- Read all the books on your "To Read" list. Maybe even do the challenge of setting yourself 50 books to read in a year and get through some of the classics you've neglected, and the books that have been lying around on your shelves for years that you said you'd get around to.

I don't even have to check the list. I'm sure I haven't done this.

- Get back into writing poetry, maybe try and get a book of poetry published. Also support current poets and go to more poetry readings.

I wrote a whole book of poetry and submitted it to a publishing house.

- Go canoeing.

Didn't do it.

- Try to learn how to make proper French style macaroons.

Didn't do it.

- Skinny dip again. Because it's fun and nudity is fun. FUN.

Did it, 

- Go to a gay pride parade or Slut Walk.

Didn't do it...yet.

- Try to get over your fear of needles and give blood. You're Type O Negative. Not only do you share your blood type name with a band, but it can save a lot of lives.

Didn't do it. Still afraid, Damn it.

- See if you can take up taiko drumming. Gotta love taiko drumming. You're shit at instruments but you can probably bang a big drum.

Googled it. Haven't had the opportunity yet.

- Take up a sport, even if it's badminton in the back garden.

Did a lot of running, weight lifting and swimming.

- Get into weightlifting with Hannah and get physically stronger.

Done it,

- Take up bellydancing. It's something I've always wanted to do and I've not done any sort of bellydancing since my poor attempt at it on a coach on the way back to Cairo. That reminds me... if I ever get the chance to ride a camel again, I promise I won't scream a second time round. They're wobbly fuckers.

Didn't do it. 

- Maybe try getting involved with the Cambridge Film Festival again. Last time was so much fun and it'd be a great experience. 

Didn't do it - the internship I did previously is no longer available due to funding issues. I have, however, done a lot of exclusive marketing work in the world of cinema.

- Plant a tree. Somewhere, anywhere. Just do it at least once.

I have planted several.

- Spend more time with your family and pay for it. Take them out to dinner, do nice things and foot the bill. Lord knows they must have spent a fortune raising you.

I have done this. Woo! Adulthood!

- Help your sister revise so she can achieve great results in her exams. I know you were always worried she'd come along and outshine you but you love the little bugger so you really don't mind at this stage if she does.

My sister is almost 18. I tried to help her on exams as best I could. She's getting ready to go to uni now. 
- Host a themed party. Growing up I was known for throwing big scale themed parties. My Moulin Rouge! themed party was still the topic of conversation when I was leaving the town, about three years after the party itself. I threw three big parties, each having a theme. I'd kinda like to do it again. Maybe not on so grand and house-trashing a scale - that Moulin Rouge! party was great but we were still pulling beer bottles out of bushes years later.

Not done it.

- Get involved with local volunteer work.

Hmm.... I wouldn't say I'd really done this one.

- Take up meditation. I tried it in my teens and I probably just wasn't as emotionally mature back then to do it any justice. Even just one or two attempts will allow me to score it off of this bucket list.

Haha - I've tried this one. It helps a little but my mind is too busy. 

- I know I've already discussed cooking, but why not try a cooking challenge? Like in the film Julie & Julia where the protagonist gave herself a year to cook every recipe in the Julia Child cookbook, I'd love to do that. It'd certainly whip me into shape and I could hold dinner parties, maybe get some feedback for my efforts.

Not done yet, but I do own several cook books.

- Further explore your family history to better understand your roots. 

Nope.

- Try vlogging.

Did it, not a fan.

- Study a language. I've already studied French (A* at GCSE level, and then I took it all the way onto sixth form), Spanish (A at GCSE) and I also did Italian and Japanese (both without exams) and I'd like to either learn and revisit one of these or learn something completely new. Languages were always something I was good at.

Gotten back into French and Italian, but not a new language

- Get a tattoo. Well, this one is optional, but you've always liked them so I figured I'd put it on the list.

My skin is still naked.
- Try yoga.

Not done yet. I downloaded some apps and tried for a few good minutes but man, I am not flexible.

- Take photos and create beautiful scrapbooks full of memories. We seem to live in an age where having photos is all about putting them up online. Am I the only non-hipster who truly misses old Polaroids? I want to document this ol' life of mine in general, really. Hence vlogging.
Done.

- Try taking up art. I used to draw, I tried painting. I mean... why not?

Nope. Will try again at a later date.

- Go zorbing/zorbballing or whatever it's called.

Haven't yet but I really, really want to do this. 
- Try to climb a mountain - or as high as you can get with your vertigo.

Haha, not climbed a mountain yet.

- Get drunk at Disneyland. There. I said it.

I erm.... did this one. Don't tell Mickey.