Co-Parenting.

This blog is going to be about same sex relationships and raising children.
Now WAIT. 
Some of you may be thinking "Gay is wrong, dur dur dur, I ain't readin' this" - if so, READ THIS FIRST.
I will say it now: I will not tolerate any form of homophobia on this blog. This post is about love and all I ask is a pinch of tolerance. Now that's said, let's continue. Before we get started, here is a venn diagram worth familiarising yourself with.

If this seems confusing, maybe it's something to discuss in later blogs. It seemed like a good place to start: people have varied views on sexuality, gender identity, gender expression etc. The diagram depicts the lack of correlation between these different components of our identity, a very important notion. Gender is something we are so heavily taught. Once these images and teachings are de-constructed it all seems strange and arbitrary. I'm writing this blog post because I saw an article elsewhere with a title along the lines of "Gay parents just as capable as straight parents" and seemed like it was posed as breaking news. My first reaction was "really"? People are only figuring this out now? The article then was concerned with a recent study in same-sex co-parenting. Notice how I used the term "Co-parenting" as the blog title. Not "same-sex parenting" as if to suggest a difference between parenting that is "same sex" against parenting that is "heterosexual" - instead it focuses more on parenting between a couple, people who co-parent, rather than a family raised by one solitary parent/guardian/family member and anything that seems specific to parental gender.

A recent article that can be seen here discusses how same-sex couples have been urged to expand their families as they make great parents and the UK Government has been urging same-sex couples to adopt. In particular the study found certain anxieties concerning potentially negative effects for children being placed in same-sex families to be unfounded and that same-sex co-parents raise children as successfully as heterosexual co-parents. What is important to remember here is that all families are different. They will uphold different values, have different hobbies and have different practices or beliefs. By moderating and regulating families and attempting to define 'family' for a wide group of people is wrong. It is simply wrong to define the meaning of 'family' on behalf of another family. What does this study mean in the overall fight for equality? Where LGBTQ folk have had difficulty adopting or conceiving children in the past attempting to normalise the process will continue to secure good households in which children can thrive. Over time it will hopefully help same-sex co-parenting be seen as more socially acceptable to those who currently do not support it.


One of the main arguments against same-sex marriage is that such marriage shouldn't exist if it cannot biologically result in children.
Problems with this?

• Infertile heterosexual couples are still allowed to marry.
•  Heterosexual couples who do not wish to have children are allowed to marry.
• Same sex couples can have children through IVF, surrogates, sperm donors etc.
• With a world that is currently as overpopulated as ours is procreation really our primary worry here? I can understand the importance of creating children within marriage when life centred around procreation as a means of survivor however this is no longer the case. 

Everyone should have the right to have a child if it is their desire. There are ways to create children without heterosexual intercourse and therefore this argument is invalid. Anyone who will argue further and suggest that gay male-identified persons in particular pose a threat to children, a threat of a sexual nature, are really scraping the barrel for reasons that are ultimately unfounded once more. To make such comments one ought to have a basic understanding of the psychology of sexuality and psychosexual dysfunction but I can tell you if anyone is a threat to their child it is not because of their sexuality but their personal sexual upbringing and the state of their mental health. 

In preparation for this post I actually Googled "why gays should not adopt" or something to that effect and will now share some of the 'reasons' I found.

• 'While exceptions occur, the norm in nature is that offspring are nurtured by mother and father. To legally allow adoption by gay couples is to encourage what is an unnatural upbringing.'

So if the norm, a 'natural upbringing', is a nurturing relationship by a mother and father what about children raised by a single mother or a single father? Is that family unit suddenly invalid? 

• 'Homophobic language and behavior is still common in society. Placing a child too young to have an opinion of their own in the care of a gay couple exposes them to this prejudice, and subjects them to ridicule or violence. Whatever ideal we might have, the psychological and physical welfare of the child must come first.'

It's common in society because it is a part of society. LGBTQ people are society as much as heterosexual members are. Placing a child within a family doesn't expose them to prejudice. Bringing a child up in a prejudiced home exposes them to prejudice. Prejudice, a preconceived opinion not based on reason or experience, is more likely to occur in a home where homophobia or similar behaviours/thoughts are openly expressed or encouraged. Many people are prejudiced in their own way: we may dislike certain companies we've not done business with, we may think things about celebrities we've never met based on small details about them... these are all thoughts that aren't exactly specific to sexuality and imposing larger prejudices on them that concern a large percentage of the population is a prejudice worth avoiding as it creates an antisocial and hateful environment that the child will then be raised in.

• 'Gay parents will create gay kids'

Right. Because heterosexual parents have never given birth to LGBTQ kids because of the influence of their own sexuality. Children will have their parents as well as other external role models. As they grow they'll develop in their own way as all children, as all people, always do.

Interracial romance and marriage was once seen as taboo with the view that races 'shouldn't mix' especially when it came to creating children. Eventually this is a view that the majority deemed ignorant and no harm has come to society.

As I said in my last post on same-sex marriage: love is love and love is lovely.
Most importantly here we have to simply learn to love each other and realise that a family according to Google is defined simply as 'a group consisting of parents and children living together' - nothing gender specific here, guys. What may be a family to you may be different from the meaning to family to others.
What is most important here is not the sexuality of the parents, but the love that holds a family together